Moon River

   It's over.... everything. Everything I had dreamed of, everything I wished for... it's over. And now my course of life will be completely changed.

When ever will God be generous to me? Now where do I run to? How will I be able to face my friends, my relatives?

God, why don't you take me with you, I pray, take me with you ...

I know one day I'll get through, but what will I have to struggle with before I can achieve that?

What more do you want? I have given everything...everything I can... all up to Your will, but You coudn't choose a less painful way of sacrifice.. why this?

 God, I have no rights to be mad at You... but I just want to know why. Why all this deal, why all this separation ... why?

You have said "Ask, and you shall receive; that your joy may be full." I have prayed and prayed and prayed, and I have asked You more than a million times, I have not received. 

So either way, whether it is asked or not, there is no choice, there is no free will... 

Or maybe it is because there is free will, that you can't force it to happen. 

But if this end is not actually what You will, then I pray... let it be shown, and let everything fall back by itself.

But if this end is according to Your will, then I pray... be with me, take me with you...

Currently Listening My Immortal By Evanescence see related

All You Hypocrits

     What is wrong with you?!

       Measuring people by their religion, judging them whether they are worthy of your love by what path they choose to follow. What is this war between Christianities. Has religion, OUR LORD'S religion only become a Game? A Competition? Whas has become of it???!!!

Both sides of you who judge the other and say the opposite is wrong. What do you know, when you are only biased in your beliefs and opinions?! Have you been in the other's shoes and truly understood what they were like, why they believed in such things? Have you gone out of your shells to deeply learn of others? Shame on people like you who have only lived inside your shells, seen a little of other's, then dare say what they believe is wrong. Shame on you for living in your shells, stepped inside the other's home and sat and listenend, then walked away with pride saying "the grass is greener on our side".

You people only know the things you know, and you know the things they teach you to know, and you know the things you are used to of knowing.. but do you really know? How much do you know? Only as much to protect yourselves and your beliefs, but do you know enough to protect others? You ask me why you should? Then you don't really know, do you?

For those people who have experienced, and who have seen deep of others, then I say you know more than most people who claim to know, and therefore if you know, then you have rights to play sides.

But as for me I am torn between the two things I love most. One side is giving me the opportunity to learn for myself and to choose, but if I chose the other he would be broken. The other side respects me for my choice, but if I can't stand on the same side he is standing, then he will leave me. Both sides base their love for me on what side I choose to take. You fools. Both your Gods is the same God. I believe in that God. All of us are driving our cars towards the same goal which is heaven and spreading the gospel, now does it matter which road each of us takes to get there? You my father, may take the left side, and you my dear, may take the right side, and I have to choose who's car to get in, but how will I know which one of you will not get in a car accident? I could rent my own car and go straight, but then I would lose sight of both of you and I would be left on my own.

I want to die. Of course you wouldn't care. One of you would be happy actually if I did, so that you don't have to choose whether to love me or to leave me. Find someone else who believes in the same thing you do, avoid the future problems altogether. So maybe if I die, your lives would be less confusing and stressing. If I die, you can all be happy again, I am only like a scab you should remove off your arm. I have made so many lives miserable, and I have caused so much pain to some people. If there isn't me any longer, the world would miss nothing. I don't belong here in the first place, I've always searched some place to belong, I would find it temporarily thinking that it was really where I belonged, time goes further and I was wrong. You think I am looking for attention, then don't take heed in what I told you, if you think this is to get your sympathy, then why should you give it to me? You think a really depressed person is writing all this for the whole world to see just to get attention? No, you're smarter than that.. they have no one to talk to, they are the most lonely people in the world and are just writing all this so that you can know what they are feeling. They write this out but wonder how many people are actually going to read it and reply to it.

Nevermind, I just want to die.

Currently Listening Songs 4 Worship - All Things Are Possible All things are possible see related

Life must stink for a reason

Currently Listening Wind Beneath My Wings By Judy Collins see related

Changes - the Friends... the Uniform...

 Dear All,

       It has been a long long time ago since I last post my entry, and I have been going to college for officially one month ... Life has been pretty busy, homework... field trips... and outings with friends..

I want to introduce you all to my new friends from Chulalongkorn.. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! and I apologize for the pictures... we just couldn't resist taking photos with the beatiful sceneries of Chula.. (HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!) if you can guess what I mean... So here they are, the magnificent Food munchers of Chulalongkorn!

  (left to right, top to bottom) Sarah,

                                Mint, Me, Patricia, Mint Senior,

                                     Game, Tukta and Anne (or Denise)

Currently Listening La Mia Risposta By Laura Pausini see related

Is it Fair?

Have you ever felt like you've done so many things, you've given your all to what you want most, yet the result is what you think to yourself ... "I deserve better" Then before you can realize it, you start playing the blame game...

Don't you ever wonder why some people who have been given good things, God just doesn't slow down on it, while other people who have been living a miserable life, God doesn't slow down on it either? Do you think He is trying to teach us something? Or is He just playing "mean"?

It's like sometimes when we are so devoted to something, we want to get it really bad ... we really care about it with our whole heart but it seems like our efforts are just useless? And what's worse is that other people just "don't get it". There is a specific reason to why we care about it so much, why we stress out on it so much and why we want it so bad... and even the simplest, smalles things can get on our nerves and makes us want to jump off the 100th floor. But don't you hate it when other people tell you "stop worrying about it, get off the matter and find something new, it's going to be okay, life isn't just about that you know, relax it's no biggy" ARGH! GET IT PEOPLE GET IT!!!! PUT YOURSELVES IN OUR SHOES AND STOP THINKING DUMB! just wait until this sort of crapola happens to you THEN you can tell us that IT'S NO BIGGY...